English Escapades: Week Three: I Drank the Bath Water and Somebody Stole a Toilet

Hello Internet!
You're probably all curious about the title of this post. But I'm not going to explain it until after my compulsory summary of what I did in my courses last week. So, here we go:

Gender Identities in Medieval Literature: For this course, we read three classic tales of medieval masculinity: Gawain and the Green Knight, Equitan, and Beowulf. Masculine ideals are portrayed differently in each of these pieces, but loyalty and intelligence are two overarching constants. Interestingly enough, Beowulf is the only work that lauds physical strength, and it shows that this strength can be fallible. Therefore, muscled knights were not necessarily seen as the ideal of medieval masculinity. That being said, all of the works portrayed women as temptresses, so some of our stereotypes about medieval times are likely still true.

Fantasies of Youth: It turns out that people have really strong opinions about The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett. We read it for class last week, and while I enjoyed it, some of my classmates blatantly hated it. Before I explain why, I'll provide a brief summary of the novel: The Secret Garden tells the story of Mary Lennox, an orphaned girl who goes to live on her reclusive uncle's estate. There, she finds her way into the secret garden, which was closed up after her aunt died there years ago. She also meets her hypochondriac cousin Colin, shows him the garden, and helps him to get over his imagined illness. Now, some of my classmates hated the story because it ends with a focus on Colin, not on Mary, who was supposedly the protagonist of the story. They claimed that the ending is pointless at best and, at worst, shows that a male narrative is more important than a female one. I disagree; I believe the ending shows that even the most damaged people can heal themselves and others. Mary began the story as a lonely, selfish little girl, but by the end, she has improved both herself and Colin. Furthermore, Colin goes on to heal his anxious, insecure father. Overall, I'm inclined to believe that Frances Hodgson Burnett knew what she was doing, and that it was not reaffirming a toxic patriarchy.

Writing for Children: This class introduced me to Horrid Henry, the misbehaving British equivalent of Junie B. Jones. It also taught me that since I was an advanced reader at a young age, I have no idea what appropriate reading material is for kids ages 5-8. My tutor and classmates assured me that it includes books like The Magic Tree House, but I read Dragon Rider by Cornelia Funke in first grade and Warriors by Erin Hunter in second grade, so who knows?

Advanced Creative Writing Tutorial: Once again, I spent an hour and fifty minutes ranting about my novel. And I loved every minute of it. I did so much worldbuilding that it quite literally exhausted my brain, and then my tutor showed me a method for drafting a coherent novel timeline. So, expect a picture of a ridiculously complicated novel outline in my next post. Seriously though, I cannot get over how much I love this course.

Anybody still with me? I hope so, because now it's time for me to explain the ludicrous post title. First up: the bathwater. No, I did not participate in the whole Bella Delphine ridiculousness. In fact, I technically didn't drink bathwater at all. In actuality, I took a tour of the ancient Roman Baths in Bath and drank the spring water that feeds into the facility (I just couldn't help myself with the blog title, since it's technically accurate and also two puns in one).

Jokes aside, the tour of the baths was insanely cool. They were built in 76 CE and were essentially the reason that Bath transformed from a rural area into a booming city. Thanks to the marvels of Roman engineering and modern preservation, they're still functioning and drawing water from the nearby hot spring today. That being said, visitors are not allowed to swim in the baths because the water is the nastiest green color I have ever seen. Also, back in the day, it gave someone meningitis. The springwater itself is healthy though, even if it does taste a bit strange.

Like I said, nasty green water.

Now for an explanation of the second half of the title: somebody legitimately stole a toilet. More accurately, somebody stole a solid gold toilet worth 2 million dollars from Blenheim Palace, which I was supposed to visit on Saturday. To make matters worse, the toilet was plumbed into the palace, so in addition to trying to find the culprit, the police were busy trying to stop the palace from flooding. The real kicker, though? The toilet was an art piece titled "America." Which I find apt. Of course, this meant that when I showed up with the rest of my program, we were notified that we couldn't enter the palace itself because of an ongoing police investigation. At first, we were terrified, but after finding out the nature of the crime, we couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it. While I do feel sorry for the police who had to deal with the situation, it still makes me giggle. The most ridiculous sort of history happened that day, and I was right there to witness it.

Police Presence at Blenheim Palace

After having a good laugh, my roommate and I spent a few hours exploring the grounds outside the palace. We also got massively lost in a topiary maze, rode a train, and, evidently, walked past Neil Gaiman (whom I, unfortunately, did not notice). Overall, it was a pretty insane day.

The Maze of Doom

Front of the Palace

I wish I could say that the rest of the week was less insane, but that would be a lie. On Thursday, I went to my first practice with the Wessex School of Arms. They're a HEMA, or Historical European Martial Arts, group that focuses on the backsword and quarterstaff. I've primarily done fencing with the German longsword, so I spent most of the class fighting my own habits. That being said, I had a wonderful time. It was fascinating to both learn about an English type of fencing and see how HEMA works in England compared to the U.S. The biggest difference I noticed: American HEMA clubs tend to appreciate the ancient masters whose techniques they study, while English HEMA clubs refer to the masters like the temperamental jerks they were. I never thought I would hear someone call Edward Silver, master of the backsword, a jerk, but on Thursday, I did. In short, the Wessex School of Arms in Bath is awesome and I can't wait to go back. I've missed swinging a sword.

Backsword and Gear

Then, on Saturday (after the Blenheim Palace shenanigans), I arrived at University College in Oxford with the rest of my program. That's right, I'm going to college in Oxford. For an entire week. As you can imagine, I was pretty jazzed about the whole thing. After arriving in Oxford, however, I became notably less jazzed about it. For one thing, upon my arrival, I found out that Oxford University does not exist in the way that Americans understand it. Instead of one University, there are approximately 38 colleges in Oxford that claim to be part of the University--I say "approximately" because no one really knows how many colleges are a part of the system. For another thing, when I arrived in Oxford, the city was absolutely packed with tourists because of Oxford Open Doors. Oxford Open Doors is a sort of weekend-long open house for the colleges and attractions in Oxford, and while it's extremely neat, it attracts tourists like rotting meat attracts flies. As a socially-anxious introvert, I did not appreciate this.

That being said, Oxford is far from a total bust, University College is beautiful, and I quickly got over my gripes. After dinner and a tour of the city, I went to a party in the College Bar. Me being me, I danced my heart out and had a fabulous time. After the insanity of the day, a round of the Cha Cha Slide and a good night's sleep were just what I needed to relax and reset.

Main Quad of University College

The next morning, I woke up rejuvenated and ready to take full advantage of Oxford Open Doors. First, I went and took a free tour of the Oxford Castle and Prison. The tour covered a tower built in 1009, a crypt built in 1074, and a "modern" prison built in the 1700s. Unfortunately, we couldn't tour the tower that was also built in 1074...because it was destroyed during the 17th century English Civil War. Which I will be disappointed about for a long time. But I did get to climb the man-made mound that the tower once rested on, so that was pretty cool.

Castle and Prison

The Mound

After touring the tower, I went punting on the River Cherwell with others in my program. The boats were cramped, so it wasn't quite as relaxing as I'd hoped it would be, but it was still an enjoyable experience. And nobody fell in, which was a miracle. I spent the rest of the afternoon doing a whirlwind tour of All Souls College, Magdalen College, the Bodleian Library, and the Divinity School, where the dancing lesson in Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire was filmed. Finally, I ended the day with fish and chips at the Eagle and Child, the pub where J.R.R. Tolkien and C.S. Lewis discuss their writing. It was a long, busy day, but it was an excellent one stuffed with amazing sights.